Goodbyes just do not seem to get any easier. I have lived away from home now for 12 years and during that time I have lived in 3 different countries, yet every time I say goodbye to my parents I cry like a baby. Like last week when I returned back to Argentina and I felt so sad I swear my insides actually hurt.
I don’t just have to say goodbye to my family, I have to say goodbye to friends too and not saying goodbye to them would mean saying goodbye to my boyfriend and just as importantly- the life I have chosen to lead.
Now that I am back in Argentina I feel at home once more. I am fortunate to have so many people I love in different parts of the world and to call many places home. I know that its me that chooses to move away and experience living in other cultures, its just when I am saying goodbye things don’t seem so simple.
I guess another problem that I have with goodbyes is that they make me feel guilty. The choices I make have an impact on the people I love as they also have to say goodbye too me. The difference is that they didn’t choose that goodbye. Even though they love me and are happy if I am happy, they still do want me there for the day to day things. I want to be there too, so badly, and yet I also want to be here. It is a constant conflict.
There is no real antidote to this feeling of having my emotions tugged across oceans. I just have to except it, wait it out and remember that what I am going back to is so worth it. When it comes down to it we all have to take the course in life that makes us the happiest for most of the time even if this means the occasional hard reality. I do think it is necessary to constantly re- evaluate my decisions and choices though and not feel locked into them Right now I feel as though the goodbyes are a necessary downside to the life I have chosen to live and the life that I want to continue living.